Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Who died my cat blue again?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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