you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
