y did u give ur computer a hand job?
zippers are such a cool invention
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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