Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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