he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
