Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
