I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize