Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
