i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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