Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
