all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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