Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
