A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize