T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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