Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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