I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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