What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
