I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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