Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
