i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My cat gives me a boner
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
