you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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