His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Randomize
