Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
