If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
