when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
