Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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