I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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