EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
