Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
