bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
