so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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