Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
