i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I just googled if crying burns calories
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
