Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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