There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
