I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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