I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
