he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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