chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
