Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize