well you can't waste a boner
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's always time for handjobs
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
