well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
