I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
