I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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