I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
