I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
