everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Randomize
