It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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