I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
