so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
