I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize