I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
