i think my mom watched the whole time
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
