it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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