dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
