I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it hurts more in the daytime
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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