I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
