Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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