WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
