Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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