I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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