I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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