So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
