I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
