HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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