My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize