What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
