meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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