Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
