I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
please come you make the beer taste better
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
