did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
