Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
