curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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