Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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