I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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