alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize