Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Two words: nipple clamps
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