I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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