it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
