i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
