Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
