I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
God, I missed his penis.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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