have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
