my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
