Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize