youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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