just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
