I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
