This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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