i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Can Purell be used as lube?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
