i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
