I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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