I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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