It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
