I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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