If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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