Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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