i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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