Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Life is so much better after having sex.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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