Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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