She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize