apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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