I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
