We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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