Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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