apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
