I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
