my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
