And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
