this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
