he puts the penis in happiness.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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