It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
